Wherein The Cat Is Paroled From The Fendi, or, Kind Of Like The Joke About The Preacher And The Male Prostitute

Act Twenty Two, Scene Three

Cast: Man Still In Plaid Pants, Woman Still In Black T-Shirt

Setting: 7:55 PM, Home, Sofa, Watching Comedy Central

WSIBT: You say all these bitter edgy things, but I know the truth.
MSIPP: Really?
WSIBT: Yep.
MSIPP: I'm all ears.
WSIBT: You drive a minivan.

Wherein A Simple Solution Is Discovered For A Complex Problem, or, I Can't Believe No One Ever Thought Of This

Act Twenty Two, Scene Two

Cast: Man In Plaid Pants, Woman In Black T-Shirt

Setting: 7:45 PM, Home, Sofa, Watching Comedy Central

MIPP: I think I have a solution to the famine in Sudan.
WIBT: I don't want to hear it.
MIPP: Seriously.
WIBT: Please just stop talking.
MIPP: I really think I can help.
WIBT: I'm not listening.
MIPP: Cannibalism.

Wherein The Phrase "Its All In How You Look At It" Is Discussed, or, Horseback Riding, White Water Rafting And Swimming

Act Twenty One, Scene Five

Cast: Man With Blue Boxers, Woman Wearing Man's Shirt

Setting: 11:02 PM, Home, Bed

MWBB: I'm thinking of going to rehab.
WWMS: But you don't drink or do drugs.
MWBB: I know but Lindsay makes it look like an ad for maxi pads.
WWMS: You're twisted.

Wherein Another Million Dollar Idea Is Killed In Committee, or, Why You Hatin', Boo?

Act Twenty One, Scene Four

Cast: Man In Grey Tie, Woman In Blue Sweater

Setting: 10:12 AM, Lake County Forest Preserve, Independence Grove Dog Exercise Area

MIGT: I was watching Top Chef reruns the other night and I had a great idea.
WIBS: Oh God, not again.
MIGT: Seriously. This is a good one: douches for foodies.
WIBS: Don't say another word.
MIGT: Balsamic vinegar and water.
WIBS: Stop.
MIGT: But...
WIBS: No. Just, no.

Wherein The Grand Mystery Of Love Is Discussed, or, Think Ruben Studdard and Nicole Ritchie

Act Twenty One, Scene Three

Cast: Myself, Someone Else, Abby The Dog, Someone Else's The Dog

Setting: 10:12 AM, Lake County Forest Preserve, Independence Grove Dog Exercise Area

Myself: Wow! Isn't he a handsome dog?
Someone Else: Thank you.
Myself: What breed is he?
Someone Else: He's half mastif and half labrador. We call him a Mastador.
Myself: That must have been an interesting date.
Someone Else: [Looks at Myself, tilts head.]
Someone Else's The Dog: [Looks at Myself, tilts head.]
Abby The Dog: [Looks at Myself, tilts head.]