Wherein Those Damned Kids Today Are Discussed, or, It Is A Sad Moment Indeed When You Realize That You Are Now "Middle Aged"

Act Seventeen, Scene Two

Cast: Man Eating Captain Neon Burger, Man Drinking Fresh Squeezed Greyhound

Setting: 12:37 PM, The Kennedy School, NE 33rd Avenue, Portland

MECNB: So did you go to Hollister last night?
MDFSG: It was awful.
MECNB: Why?
MDFSG: It reminded me how old I am.
MECNB: You're not that old.
MDFSG: I'm way too old to be shopping at Hollister.
MECNB: It couldn't have been that bad.
MDFSG: It looked like they were having a James Blunt look alike contest. I felt like Mr. Furley.

Wherein The Meaning Of A Well Coordinated Ensemble Is Discussed, or, No Straight Man Trims His Goatee That Neatly

Act Seventeen, Scene One

Cast: Man Reading Empires Of The Atlantic World, Woman With Cup Of Chai Tea Latte

Setting: 10:21 AM, Powell Books, 10th and Burnside, Portland

MREOTAW: He's gay.
WWCOCTL: No he isn't.
MREOTAW: He was wearing a beret.
WWCOCTL: So? Maybe he was French.
MREOTAW: It matched his sweater and his socks. He was gay.
WWCOCTL: Ok. He was gay.
MREOTAW: Good. I'm glad you're with me on this.
WWCOCTL: Should I be concerned that you noticed that his socks matched his beret?

Wherein The Difficulty Of Replacating A Past Success Is Discussed, or, He Made Leonardo DiCaprio Look Like An Actor - What Can't He Do?

Act Sixteen, Scene Five

Cast: Myself, London Tube Mug Full Of Pigma Micron Pens

Setting: 9:22 PM, Home, Desk, Surfing The Net

Myself: First Terminator, then Titanic and now the tomb of Jesus? What now? The only way he 'llever be able to top this is to get Danny Bonaduce an Oscar for Best Actor.
COWCWTBS: [Does nothing.]

Wherein The Tragedy Of Being Bad At Something Horrible Is Discussed, or, Why On Earth Would You Stay To Answer Questions?

Act Sixteen, Scene Four

Cast: Myself, Bowl Of Thai Curry

Setting: 11:23 PM, Couch, Home, Watching Dateline

Myself: Its bad enough that the whole world finds out you're a child molester, but these guys aren't even good at it.
BOTC: [Does nothing]

Wherein The Fine Line Between Prophet And Total Whack Job Is Explored, or, Like Henry Rollins With Fewer Tattoos And Better Grammer

Act Sixteen, Scene Three

Cast: Myself, Copy Of William Carlos Williams' The Broken Span

Setting: 9:22 PM, Gold Room, Powell's Books, 10th and Burnside, Portland

Myself: "The Wisdom of Edgar Cayce". I'd have thought it would be a much shorter book.
COWCWTBS: [Does nothing.]

Wherein Sandwiches In The Shape Of Fish Are Consumed, or, Industrial, Goth, Cyber Kinetic, Future Trash, Fetish and DIY

Act Sixteen, Scene Two

Cast: Man With Italian Handbag, Utterly Unflappable Goth Waitress

Setting: 12:22 PM, No Fish! Go Fish!, Table Near The Window, Hawthorne Street, Portland

UUGW: I assume that you will be eating with your hands?
MWIH: Except the soup.
UUGW: Right. That'd be messy.

Wherein An Odd Choice Of Subject Matter Is DIscussed, or, Elmo And Big Bird In The Charles Manson Story

Act Sixteen, Scene One

Cast: Myself, Copy Of Thomas Friedman's Longitudes & Attitudes

Setting: 1:15 PM, Biography Section, Hollywood Branch, Multnomah County Library

Myself: A biography of Adolf Hitler for children. Oh, its part of a series. They also have one for Stalin. Maybe they can do Pol Pot and hit the evil bastard trifecta.
COTFL&A: [Does nothing.]

Wherein The Definition Of What Constitutes Family Entertainment Is Discussed, or, I'll Make Fun Of It Even Though I Didn't Actually Watch

Act Fifteen, Scene Five

Cast: Myself, Copy of Max Barry's "Jennifer Government"

Setting: 9:03 PM, Home, Sofa, Watching ABC Family

Myself: Huh. Satan's School For Girls. Its like the Manson Family Network.
COMBJG: [Does nothing.]

Wherein The Creativity Of Some Ad Agency Is Questioned, or, Baseball, Apple Pie And A Little Bit Of Titty

Act Fifteen, Scene Four

Cast: Man With Messy Brown Hair, Asian Woman In Glasses

Setting: 8:10 PM, Someone's House, Watching The Super Bow

MWMBH: Not that I mind hot women in tight t-shirts chanting "Go Daddy", but don't you think that for a million and a half dollars they could of come up with something better?
AWIG: Why mess with a winner?

Wherein An Unexpected Benefit Of Your Team Winning The Super Bowl Is Discussed, or, What 's The Return Policy On Big Screen Televisions?

Act Fifteen, Scene Three

Cast: Woman With Messy Blonde Hair, Man With Messy Brown Hair

Setting: 7:22 PM, Someone's House, Watching The Super Bowl

WWMBH: If the Colt's this keeps up, Cheryl's husband should kill himself in about an hour.
MWMBH: Bear's fan, huh?
WWMBH: And a complete asshole. Go Colts!