Wherein The Difference Between Fiction And Reality Is Discussed, or, Could You Please Get Me A Beer Like That Miller Lite Dog?

Act Twenty Five, Scene One

Cast: Myself, Abby The Dog

Setting: 6:41 PM, Watching NCIS, Home, Sofa

Myself: See that dog? He finds drugs. The only thing you find is hamburger wrappers.

Abby The Dog: [Looks at Myself, tilts head.]

Wherein The Amazing Power Of A Quick Rejoinder Is Discussed, or, My Feelings Would Have Been Hurt If It Hadn't Been So Damn Funny

Act Twenty Four, Scene Five

Cast: Man On Sofa, Woman In Chair

Setting: 9:44 PM, Reading, Living Room, Home

MOS: Nobody likes a whinger, baby.
WIC: But I like you.

Wherein The Danger Of Speculation In Advance Of The Facts Is Discussed, or, I've Posted About Her HOW Many Times?

Act Twenty Four, Scene Four

Cast: Myself, Abby The Dog

Setting: 3:20 AM, Listening To Rehab, Home, Sofa

Myself: You know, the first time I heard this I was thinking she'd look more like Aretha and less like a cracked out Betty Rubble.
Abby The Dog: [Looks at Myself, tilts head.]

Wherein The Dangerous Life Of A Cop On The Beat Is Discussed, or, Were The Lights And Siren Absolutely Necessary?

Act Twenty Four, Scene Three

Cast: Man Driving, Woman Riding

Setting: 6:26 PM, Pulled Over Waiting For Cop To Pass, Car, Sheridan Road, Lake Forest

MD: Wow! He's in a hurry.
WR: Must be a 10-73.
MD: What's a 10-73?
WR: The "Hot and Ready" light at the Krispy Kreme just went on.

Wherein The Man Behind The Curtain Is Exposed, Or, At Least It Isn't As Bad As Mini-Me's Video

Act Twenty Four, Scene Two

Cast: Man In Red T-Shirt, Woman In Grey Sweatshirt

Setting: 9:32 PM, Home, Sofa, Surfing the net

MIRT-S: This is really messed up.
WIGS: What are you looking at?
MIRT-S: Smurf Porn.
WIGS: Smurf Porn?
MIRT-S: Technically its "Mexican" Smurf Porn.
WIGS: That not a sentence you get to use very often.
MIRT-S: Its not very often you see two six foot Mexican Smurfs boning away on Smurfette.
WIGS: I have no response to that.
MIRT-S: Damn, they're not real Smurfs.
WIGS: How can you tell?
MIRT-S: They're losing their blue makeup.
WIGS: Why are you still watching it?
MIRT-S: I want to see how it ends.

Wherein The Straw That Broke The Camels Back Is Discussed, or, Britney Plus Oprah Minus Dr. Phil

Act Twenty Four, Scene One

Cast: Man In Green Jacket, Woman In Cardigan Sweater

Setting: 11:02 AM, Watching Headline News, Waiting To Check Out Books, Warren Newport Public Library

WICS: Look, Delta Burke had a meltdown.
MIGJ: Yeah they closed the Cheesecake Factory next to her house.

Wherein The Difference Between A Z4 And An Escalade Is Discussed, or, The Post That Finally Assures My Place In Hell

Act Twenty Three, Scene Five

Cast: Man In Blue Sweater, Woman In Grey Pants

Setting: 8:40, Home, Dinner Table, Eating Lasagna

WIGP: Did you hear what happened in Tinley Park?
MIBS: No.
WIGP: Some guy killed five women at a Lane Bryant.
MIBS: Big deal.
WIGP: Thats kind of cold.
MIBS: I'd have been considerably more impressed if he'd hit five of those size two chicks at a Limited.

Wherein The Final Nail Is Hammered Into The Coffin Of Western Civilization Is DIscussed, or, Ghandi Was Right

Act Twenty Three, Scene Four

Cast: Man Eating Taquitos, Woman Drinking Chardonnay

Setting: 9:07 PM, Home, Sofa, Watching Iowa Caucus returns on NBC

MET: Did Brian Williams just say, "These numbers are off the hook"?
WDC: I think he did.
MET: Tim Russert should have said "Fo shizzle".
WDC: Word.