Wherein One Of The Many Benefits Of Celebrity Is Discussed, or, Seems Kind Of Pathetic, Like Eating At The McDonalds On Saint Germaine

Act Fourteen, Scene One

Cast: Myself, Abby The Dog

Setting: 5:44 PM, Couch, Home, Watching E!

Myself: If you're going to prison for stalking, shouldn't it be an actual celebrity? He can do so much better than Hillary Duff.
Abby The Dog: (Looks at Myself, tilts head.)

Wherein The Fine Line Between Too Much And Way Too Much Is Discussed, or, Screw Plaids And Stripes, I'm Talking Zebra And Leopard

Act Thirteen, Scene Five

Cast: Myself, Abby The Dog

Setting: 9:44 PM, Couch, Home, Watching Project Runway

Myself: Michael's model looks like a bad seventies rumpus room.
Abby The Dog: (Looks at Myself, tilts head.)

Wherein The Majesty Of Love Is Discussed, or, As Lucky In Love As Eva Braun

Act Thirteen, Scene Four

Cast: Myself, Abby The Dog

Setting: 10:34 AM, couch, Home, Watching Flava Of Love 2

Myself: Dumped not once, but twice by Flava Flav? I can't decide if she's pathetic or lucky.
Abby The Dog: (Looks at Myself, tilts head.)

Wherein Principles Are Sacrificed For Good Dental Coverage, or, The Spot Where The Rubber Meets The Road

Act Thirteen, Scene Three

Cast: Myself, My New Gay Neighbor

Setting: 8:06 PM, Backyard, Home

MNGN: How long have you been married?
Myself: Oh, were not married yet.
MNGN: Really?
Myself: We've been talking about May.
MNGN: A May wedding would be delicious.
Myself: I know we should be high minded like Angelina and Brad and wait until its legal for everyone to get married, but I really want health insurance.

Wherein One Beholds The True Power Of A Six Sigma Master Black Belt, or, One Of Three Point Four Per Million

Act Thirteen, Scene Two

Cast: Woman Shopping, Man Waiting

Setting: 2:21 PM, Alla Prima, Hayes Street, San Fancisco

WS: That woman at the counter was really rude.
MW: Sweetie, that woman is way too self involved to be rude.